The One

"If I wasn't made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?"

I think a lot of young Christian guys and girls have to wrestle with the idea of The One: whether there is one specific pre-ordained, pre-destined girl out there that I'm supposed to find or be with, or whether any nice, godly girl has the potential to be my future wife, given enough time, care, love, and grace.

If there were only The One:

- That would coincide well with a lot of biblical precedent, such as Isaac and Rebekah.
- I could believe that the girl I marry is by definition The One, since God orchestrates His will in our lives.
- I could conversely believe that the girl I marry might not be The One, since we can sin and foul up God's plan for us, and I would probably wonder with every girl whether she's The One or not, especially when things got sticky or complicated or imperfect.
- I would be very upset and frustrated if I ended up alone or single past the age of forty or so. I'd try to take comfort in the fact that maybe God's timing is different than my expectations, but probably I'd just feel like I missed the boat when it passed by.

If The One is not a valid idea:

- Then I could conceivably make it with any godly, lovely girl, since love is an act of will and commitment and work and sacrifice, not just attraction and emotion.
- Then I wouldn't be tied to wondering constantly whether the girl is The One because I've in essence made her The One.
- That last conclusion might lead to a very works-centered approach to my relationship.
- Also, what prevents me from having multiple relationships with multiple women? Since there is no magical One, there can certainly be Two, right? Or is there just One, and she's not specific? Also, is there any drawback to just cutting my losses and moving on from a hard relationship, since I'm not forsaking any The One girl?

Whenever I've had this discussion with people, it always brings up a number of strangely familiar issues about how God's will plays into what happens, what doesn't happen, what might have happened, or what should happen in our lives. Do we have a say? Do we have an active role? Is that from us or from God? Is foreknowledge the same as control and responsibility?

Pat Hastings made the great point that this discussion boils down to predestination vs. free will for a good reason. One of the big points of finding a wife and the institution of marriage is to model Christ and His church. So it makes sense that we'd run into the same questions.

I was at my friend Russell's wedding in North Carolina this weekend, and I really think Russell found his The One woman in Katherine. But I think it also took him a lot of labor, love, grace, and sacrifice to get there.