Shorts, Part One

Some days, I have original thoughts:

If you do a respectable ab workout, then it really hurts to do pullups, which must mean that pullups are an ab workout.

When people say, "Happy belated birthday," the sentiment they mean is a belated happy birthday. The phrase unintentionally shifts the blame from the negligent person who forgot your birthday to you for having a birthday belatedly. Good job, latecomer.

If you've ever wondered why they put Indian fennel seeds in Italian sausage, you've probably speculated that it's to make the sausage taste better. But it's probably because Indian fennel seeds are phytoestrogenic, so the effective way to be able to ingest Indian fennel seeds without turning into a woman would be to accompany them with a giant amalgamation of delicious pig meat.

The lack of hair continuity between chest hair and facial hair is probably because the body is designed for heat exchange around the carotid arteries in the neck.

"Wasabi" could almost be a dyslexic kid's exclamatory equivalent of "I saw a bee!"

The next six months, and frankly, the next four years will involve a lot of isolated, shift work in the Navy. I may not have regular opportunity to attend church or to plug into Christian fellowship. I think an earlier version of me would have considered a period of my life where I didn't have both an active ministry and explicit spiritual sources and outlets a wasted time period. Maybe, maybe not. Is that why God let Moses sit in the desert for 40 years before calling him to do something? Is that why He let Jesus be a carpenter for 30? Sometimes you're supposed to do "Christian things," but I don't think you're wrong if it doesn't look like two discipleship meetings and a small group every week. You just have to be ready to up and move when God decides to "use you again."

Did Jacob the Patriarch do anything worthwhile for God? He stole a birthright, wrestled an Angel, and demanded a blessing. It seems like his most noteworthy accomplishment was fathering a dozen or so male children, which probably makes more worthy the fact that he worked diligently for 14 years for the right wife. [Women: Insert snide comment about the ratio of men's to women's work in raising children.] And yet somehow he became the namesake of Israel. Jacob have I loved, indeed.

If someone tells you, oh, they've been to China, you should probably ask what Beijing and one section of the Great Wall were like.

If you went to Japan for a few weeks and didn't eat any sushi at all, you're probably my girlfriend.

The idea behind the Advent Conspiracy is a good one, but I think for my grandparents, giving nice gifts at Christmas and birthdays is one of the few and best ways they know how to love us. And I've thought about asking for nothing for Christmas, or a donation to some cause, but I think they would feel sad that they didn't get to buy a gift for me. The more loving thing to do here, for them, is to receive a gift graciously with a smile.

It'd be interesting to see what percentage of people who saw the new James Bond film knew what the words "quantum" and "solace" mean. Probably all the 11th graders.

If anyone makes a Christian pun on the term "Crossfit," I might die a little on the inside.

In the Roman era, warriors and soldiers wore red so that if they bled on the battlefield, their crimson wounds would be disguised. Nowadays, most of the world's military forces have uniform pants that are khaki brown. What are they hoping won't show in brown pants?

I wonder if most men in the world would be better men if they had ever been in one good fistfight.